Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
