Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
