Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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