i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
