Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
