The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
