I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
