I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
