I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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