Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
