Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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