i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
