Duck Duck Cougar?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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