I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Shame - the story of my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
