i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I could fuck to npr.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
