Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
