She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
