Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
