Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
