Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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