Can i not drive my cunt home
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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