And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
