walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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