I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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