Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.