Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
