My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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