I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
