Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
