i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
