Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
