On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
