this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
