her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just gift wrapped bread.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
