I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
