I cockslap morals
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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