the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
