Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
