I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize