apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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