he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
