The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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