I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
