I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
