You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
