is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
