There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I checked into jail on foursquare
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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