Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
