Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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