Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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