I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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