he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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