he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
