After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
