Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
