Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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