ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
